Just for the Laughs
by TechnicolorHeart
Summary: A collection of scenes that express the hilarity just dying to be exposed in several harry potter concepts. And some tangents.
1. 1: Ouija Board Fun

A/N:Enjoy.

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter (in case you've been living under a  
rock and missed the craze)

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It was an abnormal day in the life of Severus Snape. For something  
strange had just happened. Severus Snape had had an actual conversation  
with a being of the female gender. When said feminine being had to attend a  
meeting Snape seized the opportunity to flee. He made a hasty retreat to the  
fastness of his darkened room. When he arrived, Snape shut the door firmly;  
collapsing against it. He was very flustered while at the same time excited. 

His mass of emotions culminated into a feeling of confusion"OH MYGOD!!!  
I WAS JUST ALONE WITH A GIRL FOR FIVE WHOLE MINUTES!!!  
AHHHHHHHH! THAT'S NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE! OUIJA BOARD!  
WHAT DO I DO NOW?!?," his anxious shouts broke the silence in the Spartan room.  
Snape rushed towards his trusty Ouija board and began tpell out: 'GIRL+MEWTF!  
OUIJA BOARD! WHAT DO I DO NOW?!?'

The Ouija Board spelled out: 'HAHA. YOU SUCK, LOSER.' The Ouija Board had  
given up on Severus Snape.

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A/N: Did you enjoy it? Rate and Review, please. There's more, if you care to see it. Just sit tight.  
And have a Splendid Day. 


	2. 2: The Wonders of Alcohol

A/N: And so it begins...

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Once upon a time on a very illogical day (there seem to be an increasing number of these), Snape was in a drunken stupor.

Snape glared at Voldemort. The Dark Lord was sitting across from Snape and equally drunken.  
"You suck," said Snape.  
"AS IF! You so totally suck!," retorted Voldemort.  
Snape stuck out his tongue at the Dark Lord.  
"You're just jealous," Snape said defensively.

"So. Why is your hair so greasy? And why are you so pale? Are you a vampire??? ARE YOU A ZOMBIE BUNNY FROM HELL?!?," Voldemort said, changing the topic.  
"Of course not silly!"  
Silence reigned for a minute.

"It's because if my hair was at its full prettiness it'd make people like me, and if people like me they'd end up learning my deepest darkest most hidden secret."  
At hearing that Voldemort shouted, "TELL ME NOW BIZATCH!"  
"You wish," Snape replied snidely.  
"Must know. Must know. Must know. MUST KNOW!," muttered Voldemort dementedly.  
"Imperio," he said, casting the spell in a fit of alcohol-induced insanity.  
"Tell me your secret, dammit."

"Mmk," said Snape.  
"I love power rangers."  
"OMFG! NO WAY!"  
"Yes way. Tis true," said Snape covering his face in an overdramatic manner.  
"I've loved them since I was but a lad!"  
"That's not a big deal, though. You know that right?," said Voldemort after thinking for a moment.  
...  
"Oh snap! You're right!"  
"DAMN! IVE BEEN ALL ANTISOCIAL FOR NOTHING!"  
Snape began to weep in the corner.

"Hey, look a pirate!," said Voldemort, utterly lost in Happy Drunkland.

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A/N: Because. of course, that's how they'd act if they were drunk! D

Rate and Review.


	3. 3: Harry Potter Acts the Fool

A/N: All must step up to the plate and take the abuse. Now it's Harry's turn! Enjoy! Reviews are divine.

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8 o Hundred Hours: Great Hall. 

Harry Potter danced the hustle in the currently empty Great Hall. His "wonderful" dancing was accompanied by equally "skillful" singing. It went along the lines of: "Na dun dun dun HUSTLEEE!" Annoyance colored his tone when he finally shouted, "OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS YAY, WHAT IS THE TUNE?!?" Draco burst into the Great Hall with amazing timing. "I CAN TELL YOU!!," he said as he grabbed a microphone. Wondrous polytechnic tune-singing filled the Hall. Harry was very thankful. "Oh Draco, you've saved me from," he paused to shudder, "_Thinking,_ THOU ART MY SAVIOR!" In his intense joy he jumped on Draco.

xXxXxXxz

"GIT! Get your bloody arse up!! Merlin, you are _so_ lazy!" shouted Hermy, once known as Hermione.

Harry sighed contentedly and thought to himself, "Best dream ever."

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A/N: _Did_ you enjoy it? 

Have a Marvelous Day!


	4. 4: The Ultimate Battle, Snape v Malfoy

Snape vs Lucius Showdown.

A/N: This is a collection of "battles" between Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape.  
Laughter ensues.

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1st Showdown: 

Look an empty field! And what's this, two robed figures locked in... combat?...

Snape stared at Lucius. Lucius stared back. The intensity of their conflict  
was overwhelming. Then, Snape shouted, "THE PIMP CANE WILL BE  
MINE!!!!!" And with that he lunged and attacked Lucius. A very convenient  
mud puddle was lying in wait nearby. It knew it's time to shine was coming.  
Lucius looked behind him and caught sight of the mud. He shrieked, "NOT  
THE MUD! ANYHING BUT THE MUD!" But to no avail, he landed flat on his  
back in the filth. His ridiculously metrosexual clothes were defiled. Victory was  
Snape's that day.  
(A/N: To Lucius mud is like kryptonite.)

X-The Next Day-X

Snape burst into Lucius' study, his need to gloat causing him to defy logic.  
"HAHAHAHA! I have the power to make my cape BILLOW!!," he shouted  
with smug superiority. He then demonstrated his amazing ability to make his  
cape billow. "DAMN YOU SNAPE!," was Lucius' enraged reply. "IT'S NOT  
OVER YET!!," he promised. On that dramatic note he glared at Snape and  
fled (AT THE SAME TIME).

(A/N: That billow is pretty intense. By the way, you can expect random  
comments to be frequent. It's how I roll.)

X-Several Days Later-X

Lucius burst into the potions room and proclaimed, "Cower in fear  
Severus! For I have found the master of all billowing capes!" Then he  
laughed maniacally and jumped in front of Snape with his cape billowing as if  
being blown by hurricane force winds!

Snape laughed contemptuously, "Foolish mortal! No cape can out billow mine!"  
His cape billowed in retaliation, his hurricane force winds at a mighty category  
five strength.

Lucius countered with, "We'll just see about that!" He increased his  
billow's intensity to a category seven.

"You are going down," Snape said fiercely, refusing to lose to someone as  
pathetic as Malfoy."CATEGORY INFINITY!," he roared.

Severus won that day. But his billow was so strong that he was blown into  
an alternate dimension. One which was populated by pale-faced  
greasy-haired folk. Where he lived happily ever after. What fun.

(A/N: Billowing will change the world. Just wait, it'll happen. D)

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A/N: Rate and Review. - And have a Fantastic Day! 


	5. 5: Draco's Turn

A/N: Yay new chapter! It's short but quite funny! (In my mind) Enjoy!

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter (in case you've been living under a rock and missed the craze)

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One lovely Saturday, Draco was being effeminate and writing in his diary. Let's read!

'Dear Diary, Omfg, I think I 3 Harry Potter. Isn't that atrocious? But he's..hot! Ya know. And c'mon everyone knows Malfoys are shallow. Why can't looks be all that counts? So ya. I was staring at him today. Thank god he's flipping oblivious. And omg he made me giggle, innerly. He was being all idiotic; with his "oh my gosh i am so depressed cuz..." blah blah blah something about Voldie. but yeah the look on his face was hilarious. And cute. Sighs. Diary I'm at a loss. I just don't know how to sort out my feelings. Sniffs. Oh well. At least my new hair gel came by owl today. )

P.S. PANSY IS A SHE-BITCH'

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A/N: It's called "Just for Laughs" because that's what it is. So don't take offense. Besides who knows what goes on while the story's not being told?

A/N: Also, Reviews are Rad.

Have a Spectacular Day!


	6. 6: Kyrptonite: To Each His Own

Hello, hello, hello! I'll sum up these comments for you, dear reader: Long Absence. My Apologies.

On with the tale!

**Kyrptonite- To Each His Own: Lucius and His Hatreds**

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TANGENT TIME!

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Theme music blares loudly in the dead of evening. 'DUN DUN DUN!'

A small figure made of mud creeps across the ground. He looks very much like a snowman made of mud with stubby little legs. He (mud folk do in fact have genders) is in full stalk mode. He even dodge rolls every so often to intensify the situation. A building looms into view. Surprises never cease, said building was... MALFOY MANOR!

An unsuspecting Lucius Malfoy strolls past merrily, his pimp cane flailing wildly in time to his humming.

The mudman sees his chance!

He lunges forward with a shrieking battle cry that sounds like the keening wind in a rain storm. The first muddy figure is joined by a swarm of his brethren. The lot of them form a clump around the now panicked Lucius. He is paralyzed in short order by a combination of alarm and certain mild toxins produced by the tips of mudpeople fingers. With no care for Lucius' feeble protests, they drag him down into their muddy domain..

Xtime doth passX

Lucius has now returned to his senses. Said senses continuously feed his poor little brain sensations of the revolting land he finds himself in. His every moment has become torment in this place that is hell for him. He diverts enough horrified attention from his surroundings to shout protests.

"RELEASE ME AT ONES, YOU FOUL SUBHUMAN ABOMINATIONS!"

"Oh my soil! Will you be _quiet_?," says one of the mudmen. This particular mudman has a badge that reads 'Duke of Mudsbury.' "Filthy above-grounder," he mutters in tones of annoyance.

"WHAT IS THIS ATROCITY?! HOW DARE YOU TREAT ME SO?!," rages Lucius.

The Duke responds calmly, his words colored by hurt, "You who have scorned us for so long have been brought to be enlightened. Must you treat my fellows with such revulsion? What ill have we ever caused you?"

Lucius opens his mouth to respond with a quick dose of scorn and unadulterated hate, but then he thinks better of it. What _had_ they ever done to him? He is silent for a minute, in the grasp of an epiphany. When he finally speaks his countenance is brightened. "You're right! Oh, how could I be so cruel!," Lucius wipes away a lone tear. "I swear that I will never make the mistake of mistreating those of the earth again!"

XxX

Lucius, having had this epiphany, welcomes the culture of Mudsbury with open arms and lives there as an important member of their society, kith and kin forgotten(especially that wretched dark lord. he is such a has-been).

THE END!

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A/N: Did you enjoy it? Did you loathe it? Could you care less? Share your thoughts! I can assure you any input is given the greatest consideration by yours truly.

HAVE A JOLLY DAY! TA!


	7. Deathly Hallows:Happy Fun Land Edition

A/N: Et voila! Another delightfully absurd mangling of Harry Potter Canon! At least, I hope it is. A huge and heartfelt thank you to all my readers, and especially to my kind and generous reviewers! You're all pretty spiff, without doubt. And without further ado, Enjoy!:

**Just for Laughs- The Real _Deathly Hallows_**

**(the Happy Fun Land Edition)**

It was Harry Potter's seventeenth birthday and he was ecstatic. It was very unlike him. He was usually an angsty prat, but today he had made a resolution to turn over a new leaf. His friends were arriving soon to celebrate his special day and it was going to be splendid!

Harry went over the checklist for the twentieth time, "Cake, Check. Balloons, Check. Party Favors, Check. Drinks, Check. Protective Barrier, Check. Wait, I KNEW I FORGOT SOMETHING!," the Boy Who Lived then proceeded to run around in a frenzy. He wore himself out after ten solid minutes of Panic. With no other alternatives available, he stopped to think. '_Hmm, well, if there's one thing that destroys a party, it's the host getting killed. I need to find some way to keep that from happening. But it's too late to set up a barrier now! Oh, what to do? What To Do??!' _He sat deep in thought for countless moments.

After running in mental circles, it finally hit him. He would send a letter to Voldemort! He would explain, in no uncertain terms and use of creative license, why attacking him now was foolish. He could also use this as an opportunity to diplomatically attempt to dissuade the Dark Lord from his villainy! The plan was ingenious! Harry gave himself a pat on the back and then set out to write the letter. It read as follows:

_Dear Voldemort, Lord of Sillys, Harry Potter's Birthday!! _

_Today is my birthday. It would be really great if you could lay off the whole killing me thing. Pulling an "Ebenezer Epiphany" is really good for Public Relations. Ruminate on that, my crazy foe! I would also like to mention that villainy is horribly pass__é__. All the cool blokes have moved on to space exploration. Have you not also dreamed of your own lunar lair like so many others? I might also like to point out that nefarious machinations are no longer as lucrative as they once were, nor the epic battles as satisfying. The field of evil is narrowing and there are not as many opportunities available. You should get out while you still can. Merry Unbirthday, Voldy!_

_Much Love,_

_Harry Spiffalicious Potter D_

Harry sealed the scroll with a smile. He went over to where Hedwig lay supping contentedly on a slice of meringue pie.

"Oh, beloved owl of mine! Since you are of perfect health and faster than light itself, would you be so kind as to transport this scroll to Voldy for me?," he said, hands clasped before him in beseechment.

Hedwig cocked her head to the side as if debating her options. Finally, after leaving Harry in suspense for an agonizing two minutes, Hedwig nodded her head and deigned to carry messages.

"Mmkay, just let me look him up on Google Earth©," said Harry as he turned to the new computer he had "borrowed" from the Dursleys.

If there was one thing a Muggle upbringing was good for, it was being technologically savvy. While others may shout into telephones and be incapable of even playing solitaire on a PC, Harry could do both, _at the same time._ In addition, he was an adept Web Hunter, and so it was only a matter of moments before _The Basilisk's Bath Emporium_'s web page was on the screen with a conveniently easy to read map pulled up on another window.

_The Basilisk's Bath Emporium_ was Voldemort's most lucrative enterprise. That is to say it made a smidgen more than it cost, since the price of villainy has inflated ninefold- much more than currency's paltry four-fold. On the one hand, it would make a good safety net/ spring board for any sort of "turning over of brand spanking new leaves" that Voldemort decided to do. On the other hand, they never refunded customers or kept their shipping promises. One package delivered to a Mr. Severus Snape had arrived seven _years_ late and, inadvertently, rendered him asexual through it absence. (For the curious, he ordered the widely popular _Luscious Locks__® _shampoo, that made "mats into marvels, and snarls into splendor, guaranteed.") Suffice to say, Harry did not wish to patronize said establishment. He did nonetheless pull up the FAQ and 'Contact Us' pages in new tabs.

Luck, normally dead set on rising the angst factor of Harry's existence, was being kind that day. Perhaps it had turned over a new leaf, to pursue conjecture further, mayhaps old Voldy would be inspired. Ah, hope- such a naive flower that still manages to outshine logic, pessimism, and despair every time, is quite the treasure. Hopeful wishes aside, this day Harry Potter was graced with the Dark Lords own address. It was: 520 Pleasant Valley Way, Winter's Vale, England. It would seem that evil was not quite as slick as it thought itself! Harry indulged himself in a smug laugh then pulled up the address in the Google Earth© window.

"Hedwig!" he cried, "Come take a look at this! It's your destination, my faithful, feathered friend! May your journey be safe and swift!," the last in a melodramatic manner worthy of daytime television.

As he watched Hedwig take off, Harry wondered how Voldemort would receive his letter. He figured it would be well- he'd used his 'Special Occasion' stationary, after all. He wished his life had more special occasions just so that he could use his most elegant stationary more often. Alas.

It was then that his extra splendid birthday alarms went off.

"GREAT SCOTT! My party starts in an hour and I haven't even set up the Twister® mat! Ugh, stupid Voldie and his stupid murder attempts!" Harry made an annoyed face and then proceeded to fly into a frenzy.

Harry set up the Twister® mat, laid out the chips and dips and other snacks, he enchanted a lawn gnome to play a mix of his favorite songs, and, last but not least, put on his party hat. After making certain his hat was on straight in the mirror, Harry then heaved a sigh of relief so great that he had to pause to inhale some more air in order to finish. Directly after, he jumped up and down in a circle singing,

"It's My First Birthday Party Ever!/ I Set It All Up and I Feel Clever!/ It's Going to be Sensational!/ Let's Just Hope It Doesn't Turn Confrontational! HIP HIP HOOORAAAY!"

Harry Potter finished up his singing number by somersaulting into the hat rack. He crashed with a marvelous bang that toppled the whole thing.

"Bugger," muttered Harry as he crawled from under it, "I mean, Excellent! It seems I pulled off the number perfectly! Even the surprise ending! Yay me!" After his inspirational balderdash, Harry sat down eagerly in his favorite armchair to await his guests.

xxxx

**A/N: And so ends Part One. Ta Ta For Now! I'll be seeing you!**


	8. DH: Happy Fun Land Edition 2

A/N: Tada! The saga continues! Please read Chapter 7 first, or else this will be even harder to follow than it already is! First off, I would like to thank my friend Sarah (Sweet Little Nightmares) for her help with this chapter and for contributing to this chapter. I'd also like to thank all my reviewers and readers and the like. Enjoy!

**Just for Laughs- The Real _Deathly Hallows_**

**(the Happy Fun Land Edition)**

**(Part Two!!)**

Harry had been anxiously waiting for a good ten whole minutes when, suddenly(!), his front door slammed open with a mighty, thunderous, "BANG!!"

"Fire and brimstone, 'Arry! 'S quite the... er... soirée! Why ya even got the Spicy Curry Po-ta-to Chips I like! OH! Almost forgot, your birthday present!" It was Hagrid! Now the party could officially start! Hagrid reached into one of the inner pockets in his coat and withdrew from its mysterious depths the most hideous thing Harry had every seen.

"Tis a new dress robe, 'Arry! I reckon you're awful interested in lasses at this age, eh?! Well, now you'll be tha mos dashing bloke around! I picked it out meself!"

"That's great, Hagrid! Thank you so much!" Harry lied.

The thing was a puce green and fushia color that made his eyes burn. It had _sparkly neon pink_ lace ruffles positively _everywhere_ and enough sequined stars and moon clasps to please a certain dead headmaster, namely, the lovable Dumbledore of the Dressed-In-the-Dark club. As if all that weren't bad enough, Hagrid then pulled out a hat that Harry assumed went with the fashion debacle. It was a black bowler with rainbow ribbon and attached rainbow ear covers with ties ending in tassels. Harry's face contorted in a grimace that he hastily tried to turn into a smile.

"You 'aven't even seen the best bit, 'Arry! Take a gander at tha back!"

Harry did "take a gander" and he really wished he hadn't. A huge, gaudy Gryffindor lion emblem was emblazoned on the back with eye-searingly brilliant gold stitching. As if on cue, the emblem roared. It sounded like an eighty year old lion just waiting to kick the bucket. Harry found he had developed a slight tic. _How odd_, he thought as he forced a smile on his face.

"Wow! That's fantastic, Hagrid! I'll treasure it always!"

Hagrid beamed, "I knew you'd like it, 'Arry! 'Appy seventeenth birthday!"

Harry was just about to reply when he caught a whiff of something repulsive. "Hagrid... what is that smell?" Harry asked as he held the robes closer to his face. A putrid, foul odor that made his eyes water filled his nostrils as he inhaled. It smelled as if something had been sprayed by a skunk, killed, and then left to rot for several weeks.

The giant gave what Harry could only assume was meant to be a suave smirk. "Tha', Harry, is the smell of a pher-o-mone specially designed to attract members a the opp'site sex." Through Harry's stench-induced tears, he saw Hagrid winking at him repeatedly. Hagrid sniffled slightly and, pulling out a handkerchief that matched the colors on Harry's brand new dress robe, blew his nose very noisily before stuffing it back in his pocket. "Ah, Harry, I though' it were a great gift an' all, but ya needn' cry about it. Yer makin' me tear up, too."

Harry coughed and attempted a smile, not really trusting himself to actually say something. He wondered if he could somehow manage to "accidentally" Vanish the robes without rousing too much suspicion from his large friend.

Just in time to avoid any further awkwardness between the two good friends, arrived Hermy and Ron! They arrived spluttering and coughing in the fireplace, lightly blanketed in ash.

Harry laughed, "Oh, shwoops! I'd plum forgot the fireplace floo system thinger you magic cats use! Ha, ha, isn't that just hysterical?!"

"_Tergeo," _said Hermy in tones of the coldest fury as she glared balefully at the still chortling Harry. "No. It isn't."

Ron, now spick and span thanks to Hermy's spell, smiled nervously at Harry as he edged away from the enraged witch. "Uh, Happy Birthday, mate!!" he exclaimed with a thumb's up. Harry beamed back and moved to engage in a manly hug, despite the fact that turning his back on an angry Hermy was a _very _bad idea.

Fortunately for the oblivious Potter, Hagrid preempted any violence on Hermy's part by engulfing Hermy in a bone-crushing bear hug. "Why, Herm-ee-o-nee, 's great to see you ag'in!! 'Ow've you been (pronounced "bean")?!"

Hermy winced as she felt bruises spontaneously develop on her ribs, and one of them had even cracked . She sighed, her anger dissipated. "_Episkey," _she whispered as she patted Hagrid lightly on the back, "I've been well, Hagrid. You know, _**when I'm not covered in ash thanks to SOMEONE's negligence**_," she took a deep breath; it appeared there was still some anger lingering about after all. Hermy counted to ten, then continued speaking as if nothing had happened, "How are you doing, Hagrid?"

"Er," said Hagrid, a bit taken aback by Hermy's outburst, "I been alright, Herm-ee-o-nee, jus raisin' up some lovely beasties. I've a jolly good lil griffin I been nurturin', and it's a real darlin'. 'S named Sheila!! She's almost like good... 'ol Buckbeak," at that Hagrid sniffled and drew his ridiculous handkerchief back out from the depths of his pocket. He sobbed lightly, he missed his dear feathered friend very much. Sobs segued into outright rivulets of tears that ran down Hagrid's face and soaked his handkerchief through.

"There, there, Hagrid," said Hermy comfortingly, "I am certain **Witherwings**'s doing all right with the Weird Sisters, you know how he feels about music!" Hagrid nodded and gave Hermy a watery smile. Hermy smiled encouragingly back and continued, "Exactly. And they've given you free tickets to their special Zoomania tour! By the time they are ready to go on tour, I am certain Bu-Witherwings will be the greatest performing hippogriff in the entire wizarding world!" as she finished she patted Hagrid lightly on the back. Hagrid wiped at his eyes and treated Hermy to another bear-hug. She sighed deeply and muttered the healing charm again as she mustered up a smile.

Ron and Harry were feeling very awkward. Emotional displays were very unmanly and neither one of them had enough testosterone to spare. So, they shuffled their feet and exchanged manly nods and wished they were elsewhere. Then, Harry had an idea.

"TWISTER!!" he shouted with sudden enthusiasm.

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A/N: Thank you for reading. Have a great day! And remember:

**There's more to come in the next thrilling installment!**

How exciting!! Ta!

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	9. DH: Happy Fun Land Edition 3

A/N: A thousand pardons for the eons between this one and the last! I am continuously thankful for all of you who read and especially those of you who review, and once more to Sarah for her feedback. Also, I'd liked to thank the internet for making this chapter possible. I hope that you enjoy this exciting new installment of:

**Just for the Laughs Presents:**

**Deathly Hallows: The Happy Fun Land Edition**

**(Part Three!!!)  
**

Harry soon discovered that there is no Wizardworld version of Twister. The very idea! Fortunately, Hermy knew all about it! The pair of them, the witch having put aside her anger in favor of lecturing the ignorant, proceeded to school their comrades.

Hagrid blanched immediately after hearing about the delicate contortions requisite for proper game play. Giant blood was a bit of a disadvantage in the grace department. Hagrid decided to make a strategic exit, "How about them po-ta-to chips! Don't mind if I do, eh, lad?"

Harry, baffled by Hagrid's question, merely looked up and grinned. It was what he normally did when he had no idea what was going on. Hagrid took this as a go ahead and mosied over to the snack table with pleasure.

Meanwhile, in a black castle, frequently compared to a rook, transportation was being arranged. A wizard and a witch, house-mates since the height of summer, needed to journey forth into a Muggle area some leagues distant. For the witch, conventional means were out of the question. A potion she'd found and adapted was just _begging_ to be tested. And Luna Lovegood, the aforementioned witch and another invitee to the Grand Fête, could deny no desperate plea. Neville Longbottom, her now regretful guest, hovered anxiously behind her shoulder as she prepared the necessary ingredients. Just because he was no longer a super-push-over, that didn't mean he was as bold as brass, or Potter; though _as stupid_ might be more appropriate in this case.

"Are you ab-absolutely puh-positive a-buh-buh-bout this, Luna?" asked the nervous Neville with a bit of speech regression and a _lot_ of justified fear. Potions were a dangerous business.

"Not at all!" Luna cheerfully replied without taking her eyes from the deactivated Portkey (a common, if with a bit more sparkle than usual, rock in a past life) that she was grinding into powder.

Neville chuckled mirthlessly, hoping beyond hope that for once Luna was kidding.

Luna joined in, her laughter full-bodied and indefinably _off. _She explained how simple the experiment was: "Really, Neville, it will be much faster this way! All I need to do is add some floo powder, three blue-bellied Skeller feathers, and a tiny bit of this panacea tincture to this old Portkey here!"

As she spoke the Portkey became pure dust and went into a clay bowl. Each time she mentioned an ingredient, the witch added it to the bowl, producing colorful sparks and alarming little "bang!"'s. Surprisingly enough, neither the speech nor the demonstration made Neville any less disquieted.

"Finished!" exclaimed the potion-maker cheerfully. "Are you ready, Neville?" she asked eagerly.

Neville's long face turned greenish and he gulped loudly.

Luna decided that this meant yes. She quickly poured the mix into a bottle and scooped up their birthday offerings. With a fever-bright gleam in her eye, she lightly tossed the bottle to the stones in front of them. A great cloud of murky rainbow smoke engulfed the pair.

Neville shrieked bloody murder and Luna cheered gleefully as the potion worked its magic. The two party guests were swept up in heady vertigo as the world's colors swirled together and then expanded into all the colors of an oil-slick. The miserable wizard nearly lost his breakfast to the sensation. Motion sickness plagued him dreadfully.

Finally, they arrived. Neville desperately checked himself over to make sure he hadn't lost any of his limbs or vital organs between Point A and Point B; he had not. Luna, on the other hand, greeted the rest of the party guests with warm delight, not even noticing the slight smoking of her blond hair or the several feet between her green clogs-clad feet and the hardwood floor of Harry's house. Hermione was not so oblivious.

The hawk-eyed witch turned away from educating the clueless Ron on Twister protocol. She gently tugged on the arms hanging at head-height in front of her. "New magic, Luna?" she asked as she smothered the tiny blazes atop the heads of her two friends.

"Yep! I couldn't wait to try it out; it seems like there are a few kinks to work out still. What fun!" replied the Ravenclaw excitedly.

The birthday boy and host with, if not the most, a jolly good attitude finally noticed Neville and Luna. "You guys are here!! I'm so glad you could make it! Hey, how _did_ you make it? I didn't hear you knock at the door or the chimney!"

Hermione and Luna shared a look. Then, they burst out laughing at poor, oblivious Harry Potter's expense.

Neville, disregarding the mocking pair, made a beeline for the bemused Weasley, having been struck by a strong urge to finally part ways with his morning tea and toast and, therefore, in dire need of directions to the nearest water-closet.

When her laughter subsided, Luna approached and embraced the confused Harry. "Happy Birthday, Harry!! Thank you for inviting me! I hope you don't get eaten by a Tebo!"

Harry, still mid-hug, found himself disturbed by this chipper exclamation. With considerable anxiety he asked, "Is that likely?" He _sincerely_ hoped the answer was no.

Luna replied with her usual cheerful disregard for probability, "Well, you never know! I really do hope not, though. That would be dreadful." She nodded solemnly to emphasize her point.

Herms, who had been drawn closer by her interest in the short question and answer session, leaned closer still and whispered to Harry, "_They live in Africa."_

The boy who had just discovered Tebo-phobia felt greatly relieved. Horrible monsters now put firmly out of mind, Harry returned to the business at hand, "So, who's ready for Twister?!"

After quickly going over the rules with the newcomers- which made Neville immediately volunteer to be spinner, the game began.

Hermione made sure to stand on the edge and next to Ron, angling towards victory and some quality bonding time with the oblivious redhead. Harry, also realizing the advantages of being surrounded by fewer people, took the other edge, leaving Luna in the center next to Ron.

"Hey, Ron," said Harry as they waited for Neville to spin the first command.  
"What?" replied the young wizard.  
"I bet you a sickle that I'll win!" challenged Potter with a grin.

Ron deliberated. On the one hand, he had never played the game before. On the other hand, it was Harry Potter. Besides, Ron Weasley never backed down from a challenge, more or less. "Deal," he agreed as Neville directed everyone to place their left hands on red.

After ten minutes, Luna had stopped being a contender because a stray silly-sounding subject of the Mythical Magical Kingdom had distracted her. Or so she said. Neville's move calling remained true to the spinner's arrow, despite the temptations of freestyle placement. Alas, the trio of twisters had almost succeeded in tying one another up in the knots the box promised.

Harry's legs were intermingled with Ron's. Ron dangerously arched over Herms. The witch in turn had her left hand over the Boy Who Lived's head, her right nearly off the small circle, and her legs occupied the same corner she had begun the game in. The situation went way beyond awkward into Lavender-Brown territory, a place where everyone blushed non-stop in a most fetching fire-engine red and one almost hoped for senility, or a decent memory charm, to erase it.

Luna thought it was great fun and, her beasty having mysteriously vanished, was eagerly looking forward to the next round.

Just as Neville was opening his next mouth to doom the players to their next feat of Lavender-Brownian contortion, the front door swung open with a crash.

"_CRASH!"_

A light fog seeped into the open doorway like an unfurling carpet. A figure strode forwards to be silhouetted by the bars of light from the prematurely-lit street lamp. All the party people waited with bated breath (Well, Hagrid did not because he was preoccupied with the wondrous bounty of the snack table. It had been a very long time since breakfast.) to see who the next guest could be. The shadow shape approached at the speed of dramatic suspense until suddenly, his identity was revealed!

The newly arrived guest in question was... none other than Mad-Eye Moody!

A Twister victory was promptly given up on as the three young competitors scrambled to extract themselves from their unfortunate positioning; the presence of the intimidating Auror and their former teacher finally pushing them too far beyond awkward for them to bear.

Mad-Eye fixed the still-tangled Gryffindors with a perturbed stare, with his sane eye, and said, with all solemnity, "Sometimes it's better to _not_ be vigilant."

* * *

A/N: That's all, folks! Thank you for reading and have a great day! Until next time!


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